I remember very clearly what i was feeling, sitting at the airport in KK , about to really leave home for the first time. I’d traveled abroad before with my family, but this was the first time I wouldn’t be coming back after a couple of weeks. This time I was moving, halfway across the world to start a new life in the US. There was apprehension, certainly, but overwhelmingly there was a feeling of imminent freedom. Finally I’d be in a city where there was more to do than go to the beach, mall or the movies. America loomed large in my mind, a seeming utopia, a place where there were none of what I at the time saw as the restrictive rules and regulations of life in a small town. None of the constant feeling of being in a goldfish bowl, of constantly running into someone you knew. I had decided that i would pierce my nose and dye my hair. I’d go to concerts and parties and meet wonderful people who shared my interests. As the plane took off and circled over the islands, I thought “Good Riddance! Finally, I’m free!”.
Clearly, my sixteen year old self didn’t have any real idea of what living in the USA would be like. There were many moments of disillusionment and disappointment, I still wasn’t one of the “cool kids” and parties i was allowed into as an under 21 were relatively few and far between. The international school i attended in San Francisco was in many ways like the international school I had attended in KK. There were also many moments of wonder, of growing, of experiencing things I’d never even dreamed of. Feeling anonymous was both lonely and liberating, and it gave me a greater appreciation of my own company. I learned so much more than i thought i would, not just academically , but spiritually, emotionally and practically. The Serena who had never vacuumed or run a dishwasher picked up the skills fairly quickly and with only a few instances of flooding the kitchen and sucking up the curtain cords. I learned to cook (and became an expert at ordering takeout!) I marveled at California’s incredible natural beauty and threw myself wholeheartedly into exploring San Francisco’s cultural offerings, it’s museums and theaters, it’s galleries and cafe’s. Slowly but surely San Francisco carved a place in my heart. I finished High School and, after a “gap” period for travel, started college in my adopted city. I met Aaron, we moved to Oakland , across the bay and I fell in love with the east bay as well. Aaron and I even adopted 3 cats, our lives in CA seemed pretty set, his family was living close by, we had a great apartment. Soon, it had been 10 years since I’d left KK.
I’d made many visits back to KK, to visit my family and friends over the years, and yet I never quite felt like I belonged, always caught between two places and two cultures, aspects of culture shock on both ends every time i was away from one for more than a few weeks. It wasn’t until a visit home, about 9 years after I left that i finally seemed to connect to something, a strong and sudden sense of belonging, of being reconnected to my roots. I’m still not entirely sure what sparked it- I’m inclined to think that the feeling of drifting, or always looking for the next place to go that had seemed so exciting as a teenager had taken it’s toll. All i wanted to do was go home, and for once, i felt that i knew where that “home” was.
A series of events, both fortunate and unfortunate led to Aaron and I making the collective decision to move out of California, about two years ago. Neither of us were really happy where we were anymore- He wasn’t enjoying his job, I wasn’t my studies anymore. Ever rising costs of living and a rather bleak political climate solidified the idea- but where to move to? Canada was an option, but it didn’t solve the issue of needing to apply for job and school respectively. The UK was another option- we both have citizenship but in uncertainty over brexit it seemed like a hit or miss choice. “There’s always Malaysia”. I almost couldn’t believe I’d said it, sixteen year old me would certainly have thought I was insane, but as soon as i’d voiced it, it felt right. There would be no need to look for a pet friendly place to rent or to live in hotels for weeks or months while we figured things out. I already spoke the language and had family there. True, neither of us would be able to work there, and we’d need to leave the country at frequent intervals to renew visas, but that was really just extra motivation to travel and it made a great base for exploring the rest of Asia, something we’d always wanted to do. After a few grumbles about mosquitoes and the humidity, Aaron agreed and we started to work on the somewhat laborious process of finding how we could bring our cats with us. (That’s another blog post, if anyone is interested).
Finally, on November the 30th, (after 2 months of delays for a variety of reasons) we packed up the last of the bags, put the cats into their traveling crates and set off, terrified, for the airport. Nothing beyond this date had existed for us for the previous month and bit, so all consuming was the move. There was the inevitable redistribution of weight in the bags, and frantic unpacking of some item from hand carry that should have been put in cargo. The rest of the evening, and indeed the flight passed in a bit of blur. I remember feeling like i could breath for the first time in days when we finally got onto the plane. This was quickly replaced by worry when we got to Singapore. We were allowed to see the cats there, all stressed and unhappy but alive and seemingly OK. We got through KL, feeling as if we hadn’t slept in weeks and flew into KK, heralded by one of the cities legendary sunsets, passing through clouds the color of pink cotton candy, the sky around us painted great bands of purple and orange. The golden light set the sea below us on fire, as if we had made it through the crucible and here we were, emerging shiny and new into the next chapter.
That chapter turned out to begin with a 10 day quarantine period for the cats (but that, as I’ve said, is it’s own story) while we rushed around settling in and getting the new space ready for their arrival. They’ve been back with us for over a month now and are slowly but surely settling in. They aren’t quite sure what to make of their new neighbor ( The family cat, Padma) but they seem to like their new views and the warmth! As for Aaron and I, it still feels unreal at times but we are enjoying having space to breath, without the pressures of work or paper deadlines looming over us! Aaron has set himself a mission to find the best roti canai in Sabah and I am enjoying beach days and planning our next adventure over plentiful cups of teh tarik (I will probably also need to visit the dentist, if I drink much more of it!)
Serena.
The Borneo Diaries 